KONY, NATALIE PORTMAN and the Lebanese…

It has been confirmed! The one thing that defines us Lebanese as a culture and the one thing that is deeply engraved in our DNA is not that we are trilingual, it is not that we are good merchants and it is not that “we know how to partay!” it’s this: We’re a new level of dumb.

This new Level of Dumb manifests itself every once in a while. Like when we decided on something called the national pact, like that period of time that ranges from 1975 to 1990, like every four years during the elections and of course, the last two weeks.

For the first time, I have decided to really spread my emotions as I tackle four stories: Kony, Natalie Portman and her Dior campaign, the new Internet Law, and the new education law that requires government schools to teach “resistance history”. I do not even want to tackle the subject of the Lebanese history book because just thinking about it makes me sick. So; Four stories that are making headlines and that seriously make me want to scream out loud every single synonym there is for frustration (kindly find link here).


As we all know by now, the KONY 2012 video that was posted two weeks ago on vimeo has gone viral and has sparked a movement all over the world to “make Joseph Kony famous”. As for any story; conspiracy theories start flying around and people start coming up with ideas about Invisible Children; which is the NGO responsible for the video; and who’s link I have had to the right of this page ever since I started this blog, and that has not been clicked once by any person who ever visited this page.

There were three main “Lebanese attitudes” towards this Video:

Attitude number one is “the asshole”; we all have one on our contact list that criticized the video, started posting conspiracy theories and failed to get the point.

Attitude number two is “the simple minded” whom we also all have on our contact list; that’s the one who decided he/she would crawl through the African jungles and hunt down Kony using the newly acquired courage of activism. This one also failed to get the point.

Then there is “the sane person”, who acknowledged and respected the great work done by invisible children, appreciated the cause, and understood that this is a new era where change is possible and that there is hope for mankind. This person then shared the video so that people get inspired and understood that this video has one main purpose: to pressure CONGRESS!

I would like to emphasize on CONGRESS for the only reason that, the new level of dumb we have reached has lead a group of people into organizing, on April 20th  2012, a night where all of Beirut will be covered with Kony 2012 posters, just like the one that is going to be done in the states. You guys are pressuring whom to do what about whom?

How about you cover Beirut with posters that say “Secularism”, “Women’s rights NOW”, “Child abuse”, “Corruption”, “justice”, “debt”, “HUMAN RIGHTS”, “Electricity”, “Safety”… feel free to add the other thousands of basic demands that we have.

The only lesson worth learning from the Kony 2012 campaign is that, we now have the tools and the know-how to make our dreams come true. Stop fighting other peoples fights and start learning from their struggles then start acting.

Natalie Portman and the Dior campaign:

A blackberry messenger broadcast has been circulating lately that says the following: “the face of famous Israeli actress Natalie Portman, who is a well known Hollywood celebrity, is now on every billboard in Lebanon for the new Dior campaign. One must ask himself, is the point of this campaign to promote Dior through the Israeli actress or to promote Israel through Dior?”

I think that one must ask himself to go screw oneself.

The video ads for the campaign are shot in Paris, with Natalie Portman fitting herself into a dress, day dreaming about her lover that she eventually meets on a stairwell somewhere on a Parisian street… All one can think of when watching the ad is “I would like to destroy the lover and make babies with Natalie Portman on a Parisian street”.

Israel is the last thing that pops into mind trust me.

The new internet law:

The information minister decided to draft a Law that prohibits the publication of anything that offends public moral or ethics; which basically means that MY blog, and MY articles can and will be censored and I could go to jail for saying that Natalie Portman is hot and that we must fight for human rights. Since “public moral and ethics” is such a broad term, the government can and will use it for its own benefit (or the benefits of whatever sadomasochistic team of murderers’ thieves and liars that control the government). To make things worse, the outdated audio visual and media laws that already need reform will be applied to the internet; so basically outdated laws for old technologies will apply to the most modern and most important technological breakthrough in human history. So update your facebook status, tweet and share as much as you can because the government will soon be here to civilize us and boost us into the 21st century.

“History of resistance”:

The newly signed Ministry of “education” law obliges government schools to teach children about Hezbollah. Of course, the 14 march allies decided to attack this decision and ask for all resistances to be acknowledged not just Hezbollah.

Let us get one thing straight; the only time my son or daughter will hear the words “allah”, “hezb”, “Lebanese forces”, “war”, “Samir Geagea”, “Michel aoun”, “Bachir Gemayel”, “Walid Joumblat”, “Nabih Berri”, “Hassan Nassrallah” etc. will be when I have the “how not to lead your life and what not to do” talk with them. All I want my children to learn is that a country was deceived and tricked by people who brought nothing but division death poverty and hatred into our daily lives; but we are better than them and we have learned from our past mistakes.

This country needs to wake up! We are a new level of dumb, we are a bunch of people who waste time. I believe that we have reached the tipping point and this country is about to fall into a long dark tunnel. Start acting NOW!


7 thoughts on “KONY, NATALIE PORTMAN and the Lebanese…

  1. I think you over estimate yourself hoping that the proposed new internet law will prosecute you ,Keep dreaming Dumbo.


    • Dear munir,

      i understand your inner struggle in trying to make sense of sarcasm; that is why i assure you I will not be prosecuted for saying Natalie Portman is hot nor is it an actual fear of mine.
      I would also like to assure you that i will not be raping her on a Parisian street with the purpose of having her babies; that too, believe it or not, was a sarcastic statement.
      On a side note i appreciate the fact that you have come to compare me to a famous and world renown elephant like Mr. Dumbo; let us hope i don’t over estimate myself even more after this.
      In order to help your “road to a life where sarcasm makes sense” i would like to referr you to another sarcastic text which is the one you just went through,,,,
      Cheers and take a chill pill…


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